Top Ten Things Paladins Can Do (In Bed)  

Posted by Dristanel in

Om nom an egg!That's right. I got this list out before somebody published the mage one. What a tease. I know you're eagerly awaiting my list, but some news before that. First, we got Sindragosa down Saturday night! She dropped her pretty blue shield. It's not better than the 25 one I have, but it's... pretty. So I'm keeping it.

Second, my posting will likely slow for a couple weeks while I figure some things out and take a bit of a WoW break. Fighting the edge of burnout, and I don't want to push myself there for fear of not blogging. So I present to you this veritable treasure trove of nonsense in the meantime:

In case it wasn't clear, this post is entirely not-safe-for-work.

Beacon of Light Shit. Where did I leave my fucking bra. Shit shit shit. I need to get out of here before he wa-- oh, look. He's radiating a bright, holy light while he sleeps. And there's my bra, under the fucking sofa.

Sacred Shield It's okay, baby. I got it covered. Nah, it won't break. Promise.

Divine Favor You know what they say about paladins. All secluded with crazy ideas and strict rules. Eager to please just for the chance to get some.

Hammer of Justice The hammer is... oh, nevermind. But just where do you think Captain Hammer got his material from, huh? That's right.

Divine Plea Please let me beat my five minute record. Followed by...

Concentration Aura Discipline, baby. You priests got nothing on us.

Summon: Charger Yeah. That's being generous. Don't shatter our dreams.

Crusader Aura For when you want to fit a 'nooner between visits to the Citadel.

Lay on Hands You knew it was going to be in here. Don't act all shocked.

And last but certainly not least...

Redemption Making it with a foxy paladin? Doesn't count, sister. We're above reproach. So if you have some silly 'Must be a virgin to fulfill a sacrificial prophecy' thing going on? We've got you covered. Besides, you know what they say. Once you go paladin...

...Nothing rhymes with paladin.


Edit: As it turns out, a lot of things rhyme with paladin! I think I'm going to agree that "Once you go paladin, you'll be absolved of sin." Which would totally make Cleanse an honorary mention on this list.

Thanks to Josh from Eye for an Eye for the suggestions!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 31, 2010 at Wednesday, March 31, 2010 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


Once you go paladin...

... you'll curse Varian Wrynn?

... you'll toss the rest in the bin?

... you'll be absolved of sin?

... you'll notify your next of kin?

Come on, you can think of something that works, there's plenty of "-in" words!

March 31, 2010 at 10:21 AM

@Josh I approve of this. I also approve of your list of favorite books. =D

March 31, 2010 at 10:28 AM

Glad you approve. I try to name my WoW characters after AGoT characters - my paladin used to be named Baelor before I transferred to a server where it was all ready taken.
Still waiting (im)patiently for A Dance with Dragons...

PS - Like your blog, despite the fact that I'm a ret paladin who only dabbles in healing.

March 31, 2010 at 10:41 AM

Hahah. Nice one, Drist.

And I think "you'll be absolved of sin" works pretty well.

March 31, 2010 at 11:40 AM

Summon: Charger


March 31, 2010 at 3:47 PM

You used Sacred Shield instead of Divine Protection? What kind of crappy paladin are you, anyway?

I lol'd at the rest though.

April 20, 2010 at 4:15 AM

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